3 Things I Learned About Men

Dear Readers,

Going into college, I did not realize the number of different men I would come across. The personalities, looks, and physiques were all different, but somehow, I see a pattern within men. I will be honest, I don't have the best track record with men, and I have my flaws, but I can recognize them sometimes... but no one is perfect, right? Now my list is based off experiences I have heard about from a friend or my own experiences and interactions I have had with men. Whether through men simply coming up asking for my Instagram, or past boyfriends, or even past talking stages. 

1. "I can change him!" 

Respectfully, you can never change a man. To be honest, you can't change no one. I thought we learned this from K. Michelle in 2014. I personally have never been a type of woman who believed this, but I did have a roommate who thought this. We will call her Isbella, who was my freshman year roommate. She was extremely optimistic and hopeful, which are amazing traits to have, but not about a man! She had met this guy who she strongly believed she could change and become the man she wanted him to be. Let me tell you, having this thought process makes you the person who becomes hurt. This led to her to cry for many days, but as a good roommate, I informed her. You can’t change anyone; they have to want to change for themselves. It’s okay to have hope in a relationship but not hope in one day that man is going to wake up and change into the man you want them to become. That’s extremely unrealistic! A person in general becomes better because they want to, not because another person wants them to.

I will acknowledge there is always a chance a man will come back and say, "I will change, I want to change," or "I am changing for you." Now this situation is tricky, and I have experienced the “I changed," comment but now usually it’s temporary which is why you must pay very close attention to everything they say or do. Sometimes it's not temporary which means you have a good man and hold on to them, girl!

2. Men treat you the way they view you.

Now you may be wondering what that does even intel, so I will tell you. First impressions matter the most, so the type of vibe you give off to a man, he will try to figure out what he can get from you. I read about this in Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In Chapter six, he talks about men viewing women into categories: a Sports Fish or a Keeper. They observe the girl they have an eye on and put them in either spot. For example, if a guy sees a good-looking girl giving her number out and dancing on everyone, this will put a woman in the sports fish spot. This spot does not have many rules because men think this woman will allow a man to treat her any type of way. Now, the keeper category has many rules because the woman has her standards and shows her boundaries. So ultimately, it's about how you present yourself to the world, we all make assumptions based off of looks, but if you know you are a keeper and may do some sport fishing activities, be aware because the men may be looking for just a sports fish they can play around with.

3.  Men are not in control

Men tend to want to feel as the leaders to show they are in control; but in reality, they aren't. Women are! I mean you are in control if you want to give the cookie away to a man. Men do things to showcase they are worthy, but it’s up to you to decide that they are. For example, I met this boy who told me I quote, "I drove 50 minutes to come see you, I deserve a kiss." Boy, if you don’t get out of my face, I didn't tell you to drive here! And he sure didn’t get anything from me. So, this goes to say just because they are many expecting it actually doesn't mean anything and should show you the type of person they are if they are expecting it. Remember, ladies, you get to choose if he is worth your time!

At the end of the day, I am still figuring out relationships, and men just like everyone else are. All that I mentioned are things I have learned from my own experiences or others. My biggest advice I would end this off with is not to lose yourself trying to love someone else; always know there was a you before you met them. Pay attention to actions and words and know what you deserve and know you choose who you allow in your life.

Love Always, 

 Mya❤️